{"id":9021,"date":"2018-10-23T11:44:24","date_gmt":"2018-10-23T09:44:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.judithbenavent.com\/aprende-a-aceptar-aceptandote\/"},"modified":"2022-03-26T11:34:02","modified_gmt":"2022-03-26T10:34:02","slug":"learn-to-accept-by-accepting-yourself","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.judithbenavent.com\/en\/learn-to-accept-by-accepting-yourself\/","title":{"rendered":"Learn to accept\u2026 by accepting yourself!"},"content":{"rendered":"

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Since I have been involved in the \u201ctherapy world\u201d (for quite a few years), I often hear that \u201cwe must accept what is, without judging it\u201d. I spent years trying very hard to accept everything that was happening to me, everything I experienced. Sometimes it was easy, but other times it was an almost impossible task, and it exhausted me physically, mentally, and emotionally. Until one day, years ago, something clicked in my brain\u2026 and I realized that acceptance is not resignation! This realization lightened my load so, so much\u2026<\/p>\n

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Acceptance is light<\/strong><\/p>\n

Acceptance is light, it gives a feeling of relief, of letting go, of deep understanding, of compassion\u2026 The resistance, fighting, and struggling that you used to feel toward your problem fades away when you accept it\u2026 If you don\u2019t feel a sensation of relief with what you consider acceptance, then perhaps it is not acceptance, but rather resignation. Take note\u2026 When we accept something (whether it is big, small, ugly, or beautiful) we arrive at a much deeper understanding of it, a profound feeling of empathy and compassion\u2026 I hear many people (sometimes I even catch myself doing it) talk about situations, people, or things that we \u201caccept\u201d, and when I hear them (or myself), I feel the anger, resentment, or struggle in their tone of voice or in their message, and the doubt appears: \u201cHave we really accepted it?\u201d NO! If acceptance is heavy, agitating, or uncomfortable\u2026 it is not acceptance.<\/p>\n

Acceptance is born from the heart<\/strong><\/p>\n

Acceptance is not an easy task. And forcing yourself to accept something doesn\u2019t work (I can say this from experience!). So, if you cannot accept something\u2026 ACCEPT THAT YOU DON\u2019T ACCEPT IT! Don\u2019t fight it! Acknowledge that there are things that make you mad, that upset you, that make you sad\u2026 and that you don\u2019t want to or cannot accept yet! There is nothing wrong with that. Give yourself time\u2026 and breathe\u2026 No matter how much you try to accept something with your head, your head doesn\u2019t accept it! No matter how much you say from your rational mind that you can accept what is, if your heart is not in tune with this, acceptance is not possible. Perhaps your head can help you understand the situation, and from this place of mental understanding you can get a bit closer to acceptance\u2026 but with only this mental understanding, I can assure you that there is no acceptance. Acceptance is born from the heart and soothes the soul\u2026 At least that is how I experience it. If it doesn\u2019t give you peace, tranquility, and calm, look inside, observe yourself, and be honest with yourself\u2026 Are you really accepting? And remember, whether the answer is yes or no, that is okay! Accept the answer! Now I will tell you what helped me to accept\u2026<\/p>\n

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Acceptance and resignation are two very different things<\/strong><\/p>\n

As I said in the beginning, I had a very hard time with acceptance. I tried very hard, I tried to understand all the possible points of view, to see everything from another side, but even then it was hard, and my acceptance remained in my mind (that is, I wasn\u2019t truly accepting it!). Until one day I realized (perhaps this is obvious for most of you, but it took me some time) that I was confusing acceptance with resignation! When someone accepts something, the possibility of change remains totally open (in fact, acceptance invites change and evolution!). However, resignation completely eliminates the possibility of change, and this weighs a ton! That\u2019s why accepting was so hard for me\u2026 Because in accepting I was carrying the weight of resignation, and one thing has nothing to do with the other!<\/p>\n

Let me give you an example, to see if it helps me explain myself\u2026 Imagine that you are upset with your partner because you don\u2019t like that they came home late. You have told them several times, you have tried to negotiate, and they don\u2019t stop doing it. First of all, accept that you are upset that your partner gets home late! You have every right to be angry! Later, think about whether this anger is due to a past wound that has not healed (from your childhood or previous partners, etc.). Try to look inward to see if you can discover what triggers this anger. When you have given space to your anger, it may help to put yourself in your partner\u2019s shoes, try to feel what they are feeling (empathize with them, understand what causes them to do what they do\u2026 Maybe it has to do with their education, with their childhood, etc.). From there, you will be able to become more aware of the situation and you will get closer to accepting what is. In this process, you may need to open your heart\u2026 Remember that if your heart is not in it, acceptance will not come. If you cannot open your heart, if you don\u2019t know whether you want to, or if you don\u2019t know how to, accept this, too, with love and kindness toward yourself. Above all, do not fight with yourself\u2026<\/p>\n

Acceptance gives clarity<\/strong><\/p>\n

When you accept something, you can see it with greater clarity, without filters, head on\u2026 and this clarity will help you make decisions that resignation would not let you make! Going back to the example with your partner, imagine that you learn that your partner actually comes home late because they need to spend their evenings with their friends to unwind. They need it. That may not be a problem for some people, but for others it is! If it is a problem for you, you have several options (simplifying the situation considerably):<\/p>\n