[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ admin_label=”section” _builder_version=”4.15″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row admin_label=”row” _builder_version=”4.15″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.15″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_text admin_label=”Text” _builder_version=”4.15.1″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n
The world classifies<\/strong><\/p>\n We live in a world that insists on classifying and labeling\u2026 they classify us, we classify ourselves.<\/p>\n This one is good, that one is bad. This child is good, that other one is bad\u2026 And we grow up with \u201cgood\u201d and \u201cbad\u201d engraved in our minds\u2026<\/p>\n I hear a lot of parents telling their children to \u201cbehave themselves\u201d or that they are \u201cbehaving badly\u201d. Good, bad\u2026 And what is \u201cgood\u201d, and what is \u201cbad\u201d? Who decides? If I put myself in the shoes of a child and someone tells me I am behaving \u201cwell\u201d, surely my conception of \u201cgood\u201d as a child will have very little (or nothing) to do with an adult\u2019s conception of \u201cgood\u201d, don\u2019t you think?<\/p>\n We are asked every day, sometimes several times a day, \u201cHow are you?\u201d, and the nearly automatic answer is \u201cfine\u201d, which is usually the answer others expect\u2026<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Good and bad<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cGood\u201d and \u201cbad\u201d are words we use extremely often, but don\u2019t they seem empty to you? How many times do we tell others we are \u201cfine\u201d or \u201cwell\u201d without even being aware of how we are actually feeling? And how many times do we also say (or think) \u201cbad\u201d on impulse, without truly connecting to what is happening to us?<\/p>\n I propose (for myself and for you) that we stop using the words \u201cgood\u201d and \u201cbad\u201d and instead employ other words from our very rich vocabulary, words that connect us with ourselves and are much fuller in meaning\u2026<\/p>\n If I ask you \u201cHow are you?\u201d today, what would you answer if you couldn\u2019t use the words \u201cgood\u201d or \u201cbad\u201d? You\u2019d have to think, right? But don\u2019t think\u2026 Close your eyes, observe your body and your breathing, and you will find the answer. How are you?<\/p>\n When I am in therapy sessions with my clients, many come in with the feeling that they are \u201cbad\u201d and that they must change something in order to get \u201cwell\u201d. Surely, on more than one occasion, you have felt \u201cbad\u201d and have wanted to run away from that feeling in order to feel \u201cgood\u201d. We all fall into this mental trap. Let me tell you something\u2026 Being \u201cwell\u201d tends to be very overrate, and feeling \u201cgood\u201d or \u201cbad\u201d doesn\u2019t mean much.<\/p>\n I always try to go a bit beyond \u201cgood\u201d or \u201cbad\u201d. This \u201cbad\u201d with which you describe and identify yourself is a judgment (a painful label) of yourself based on your experience and your beliefs. And don\u2019t get me wrong\u2026 I know that what you are feeling hurts, but just because it hurts, doesn\u2019t mean that it is bad! If you let yourself feel a bit more, go inside yourself, delve into the sensations inside your body, into your breathing\u2026 what do you feel? You will realize that this \u201cbad\u201d has many colors, tones, and shapes\u2026 Perhaps it is an emptiness in your stomach, a headache, a heaviness in your legs, confusion, sadness, fear\u2026 Just feel yourself and breathe, with whatever is there.<\/p>\n Don\u2019t fight with what is there<\/strong><\/p>\n Don\u2019t fight with what is there, just breathe\u2026 If I had lived your life in your shoes, If I had been born in your family, had grown up with your siblings, and gone through what you have gone through, I would be telling myself the same things you tell yourself, making the same \u201cmistakes\u201d, and with the same sensation of \u201cfeeling bad\u201d. So, you have done the best you could or knew how to do. Don\u2019t fight with that\u2026<\/p>\n \u00a0Life takes us to places we never could have imagined. Some seem pleasant from the very first moment, while others are painful. Both the pleasant and the painful are necessary for your evolution and growth. They are neither good nor bad\u2026 Life, your decisions (whether they seem more or less correct) are perfect for you. What you consider \u201cbad\u201d, accept it, love it\u2026 Maybe right now it is not useful for you, but surely at some point it was necessary, and I would even dare to say that, in its day, it saved your life\u2026<\/p>\n Maybe there are things that you have been carrying for a long time that no longer serve you today. If so, don\u2019t judge them. You took on those burdens because you didn\u2019t know how to or couldn\u2019t do things a different way. That is not bad (or good). If you could have done or knew how to do otherwise, wouldn\u2019t you have done so? Maybe that choice, in that moment, saved your life and allowed you to get where you are today. Accept it. Be grateful and love yourself for it. Don\u2019t fight with yourself, don\u2019t beat yourself up. Breathe. The only way to detach yourself from the \u201cbadness\u201d that you believe is inside you is to love yourself. Love yourself with everything you have, unconditionally. Love your light and your darkness, because you are both of these things, and both are necessary for you to live your life fully.<\/p>\n We know there is light because there is darkness. We know there is joy because we experience sadness. We know that life exists because death also exists. These polarities give us strength and push us to keep going. Love them, embrace them… Love yourself, embrace yourself\u2026<\/p>\n And breathe\u2026<\/p>\n Breathe what is there, love what is there\u2026<\/p>\n And if it hurts too much, breathe into the pain and be grateful that you are breathing. Love your ability to breathe and to be alive.<\/p>\n Breathe\u2026 From breathing to loving isn\u2019t that far at all.<\/p>\n Judith Benavent<\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" The world classifies We live in a world that insists on classifying and labeling\u2026 they classify us, we classify ourselves. This one is good, that one is bad. This child […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":8725,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"El mundo clasifica...<\/h3>\r\nEstamos en un mundo que se empe\u00f1a en clasificar y etiquetar\u2026 nos clasifican, nos clasificamos\u2026\r\n\r\nEsto es bueno<\/em>, esto otro es malo<\/em>. Ese ni\u00f1@ es buen@<\/em>, ese otr@ es mal@<\/em>... Y crecemos con el \u201cbien<\/em>\u201d y el \u201cmal<\/em>\u201d gravado a fuego\u2026\r\n\r\nOigo mucho a pap\u00e1s y mam\u00e1s decir a sus hij@s \u201cp\u00f3rtate bien<\/em>\u201d o \u201cqu\u00e9 mal<\/em> te est\u00e1s portando\u201d. Bien, mal\u2026<\/em> \u00bfY qu\u00e9 es \u201cbueno<\/em>\u201d y qu\u00e9 es \u201cmalo<\/em>\u201d? \u00bfQui\u00e9n lo decide? Si me pongo en el lugar de un ni\u00f1o y me dicen que me porte \u201cbien<\/em>\u201d, seguramente mi \u201cbien<\/em>\u201d de ni\u00f1o tendr\u00e1 poco, o nada, que ver con el \u201cbien<\/em>\u201d del adulto\u2026 \u00bfno crees?\r\n\r\nNos preguntan todos los d\u00edas, y varias veces: \u201c\u00bfC\u00f3mo est\u00e1s?\u201d Y la respuesta casi autom\u00e1tica es \u201cBien<\/em>\u201d\u2026 y, por lo general esa es la respuesta esperada\u2026\r\n
Bien y mal...<\/h3>\r\n\u201cBien<\/em>\u201d y \u201cmal<\/em>\u201d\u2026 qu\u00e9 palabras tan usadas\u2026 pero\u2026 \u00bfno te parecen vac\u00edas?\u00a0 Cu\u00e1ntas veces decimos que estamos \u201cbien<\/em>\u201d sin ni siquiera ser conscientes de c\u00f3mo estamos en realidad\u2026. \u00a0Y cu\u00e1ntas veces decimos (o pensamos) \u201cmal<\/em>\u201d tambi\u00e9n por impulso, sin conectar verdaderamente con lo que nos pasa\u2026\r\n\r\nMe propongo, y te propongo, dejar las palabras \u201cbien<\/em>\u201d y \u201cmal<\/em>\u201d a un lado y utilizar otras palabras de nuestro riqu\u00edsimo vocabulario, palabras que nos conecten con nosotros y est\u00e9n m\u00e1s llenas de significado\u2026\r\n\r\nSi hoy, ahora, te pregunto, \u00bfC\u00f3mo est\u00e1s? \u2026\u00bfQu\u00e9 me contestar\u00edas que no fuera ni \u201cbien<\/em>\u201d ni \u201cmal<\/em>\u201d? Toca pensar, verdad? Pues no pienses\u2026 cierra los ojos, observa tu cuerpo y tu respiraci\u00f3n, y, obtendr\u00e1s la respuesta\u2026.\u00a0 \u00bfC\u00f3mo est\u00e1s?\r\n\r\nCuando estoy en terapia con mis clientes, muchos vienen con sensaci\u00f3n de que est\u00e1n \u201cmal<\/em>\u201d y que tienen que cambiar algo para estar \u201cbien<\/em>\u201d\u2026 Seguro que t\u00fa, en m\u00e1s de una ocasi\u00f3n, te has sentido \u201cmal\u201d y has querido huir de esa sensaci\u00f3n para sentirte \u201cbien\u201d\u2026 Tod@s caemos en esa \u201ctrampa de la mente\u201d\u2026\u00a0 D\u00e9jame decirte algo\u2026 el estar \u201cbien<\/em>\u201d suele estar muy sobrevalorado\u2026 estar \u201cbien\u201d o estar \u201cmal\u201d, no significa mucho\u2026.\r\n\r\nYo intento ir siempre un poco m\u00e1s all\u00e1 del \u201cbien<\/em> y del mal<\/em>\u201d. Ese \u201cmal<\/em>\u201d con el que te describes y te identificas es un juicio (una etiqueta dolorosa) hacia ti mism@ basado en tu experiencia, en tus creencias\u2026 Y no me malinterpretes\u2026 s\u00e9 que lo que sientes duele\u2026 pero que duela no significa que est\u00e9 mal! Si te dejas sentir un poco m\u00e1s, entras en ti, en las sensaciones de tu cuerpo, en tu respiraci\u00f3n\u2026 \u00bfqu\u00e9 sientes? Te dar\u00e1s cuenta de que ese \u201cmal\u201d tiene muchos colores, tonalidades, formas\u2026\u00a0 Quiz\u00e1s sea un vac\u00edo en el est\u00f3mago, un dolor de cabeza, pesadez en las piernas, confusi\u00f3n, tristeza, miedo\u2026 Si\u00e9ntete\u2026 resp\u00edrate\u2026 con lo que haya\u2026\r\n
No te pelees con lo que hay...<\/h3>\r\nNo te pelees con lo que hay, solo respira\u2026Si yo hubiera vivido tu vida con tus mismos zapatos: hubiera nacido en tu familia, crecido con tus hermanos, y hubiera pasado por lo que t\u00fa has pasado\u2026 estar\u00eda dici\u00e9ndome lo mismo que t\u00fa te dices, cometiendo tus mismos \u201cerrores\u201d, y con la sensaci\u00f3n de \u201cestar mal\u201d\u2026 as\u00ed que lo has hecho lo mejor que has podido o sabido\u2026. no te pelees con eso...\r\n\r\nLa vida nos lleva hacia lugares que ni nos imaginamos\u2026algunos nos parecen agradables desde el primer momento, otros son dolorosos\u2026 Tanto lo agradable como lo doloroso es necesario para tu evoluci\u00f3n y crecimiento\u2026 no est\u00e1 ni bien ni mal\u2026 La vida, tus decisiones (te parezcan m\u00e1s o menos acertadas) son perfectas para ti. Lo que consideras \u201cmalo<\/em>\u201d, ac\u00e9ptalo, \u00e1malo\u2026 quiz\u00e1s ahora no te sea \u00fatil\u2026pero seguro que en alg\u00fan momento fue necesario, incluso me animar\u00eda a decir que, en su d\u00eda, te salv\u00f3 la vida\u2026\r\n\r\nQuiz\u00e1s hay cosas con las que cargas desde hace mucho, que hoy ya no te sirven, si es as\u00ed\u2026 no las juzgues\u2026\u00a0 esas cargas te las pusiste\u00a0 porque no supiste o no pudiste hacerlo de otra forma\u2026 eso no es malo\u2026 (ni bueno), si hubieras podido o sabido hacerlo de otro modo, \u00bfno lo hubieras hecho? Quiz\u00e1s eso, en el momento, te salv\u00f3 la vida y te ha permitido llegar hasta aqu\u00ed\u2026 Ac\u00e9ptalo\u2026 agradece y \u00e1mate por ello\u2026 No te pelees\u2026 no te machaques\u2026 respira\u2026. La \u00fanica manera de desapegarte de eso \u201cmalo<\/em>\u201d que crees que hay en ti, es amarte\u2026 \u00c1mate con todo, incondicionalmente\u2026 ama tu luz y tu sombra\u2026 porque t\u00fa eres ambas\u2026 y ambas son necesarias para que puedas vivir tu vida plenamente\u2026\r\n\r\nSabemos que\u00a0 hay luz porque hay oscuridad\u2026 sabemos que hay alegr\u00eda porque conocemos la tristeza, sabemos que hay vida porque existe la muerte\u2026 Polaridades que nos dan fuerza e impulso\u2026 \u00c1malas, abr\u00e1zalas\u2026 \u00c1mate,\u00a0 abr\u00e1zate\u2026\r\n\r\nY respira\u2026.\r\n\r\nRespira lo que hay\u2026 Ama lo que hay\u2026\r\n\r\nY si duele demasiado, respira el dolor\u2026 y agradece que respiras\u2026 y ama tu capacidad de respirar y estar viv@...\r\n\r\nRespira\u2026 De respirar a amar\u2026 no hay tanto...\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\nJudith Benavent","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[362],"tags":[],"yst_prominent_words":[],"class_list":["post-9029","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog-en"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.judithbenavent.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9029","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.judithbenavent.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.judithbenavent.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.judithbenavent.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.judithbenavent.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9029"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.judithbenavent.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9029\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.judithbenavent.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/8725"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.judithbenavent.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9029"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.judithbenavent.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9029"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.judithbenavent.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9029"},{"taxonomy":"yst_prominent_words","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.judithbenavent.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/yst_prominent_words?post=9029"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}